How To Not Geek Wrong

We all know the kind. It's that forty-year-old man at your local anime convention wearing the Meowth suit. It's that girl from Texas who walks around with a real wolf tail strapped on her back 24/7. It's that person who claims they're a gamer, but when you start talking to them about video games, it seems their knowledge only extends as far as that one kirby game they played that one time, and some other titles that are way too underground for you to have ever heard of them. Yeah, those people. Since coming to Smith College, Player One and I have had to deal with way too many of them, and we decided it was high time someone finally cared enough to write a guide to prevent the creation of more of these supposed "geeks." So sit back, relax, and grab some apples and tea. This could be a long ride.

1.) The Weeaboo
Now, I (Player 1) am just about to complete my second semester in Japanese. At this point, I can speak some conversational Japanese as well as the correct phrases to get through a Job Interview. I enjoy eating Ramen. I like anime and JRPGs. The important thing is that you wouldn't be able to tell any of this by just looking at me. I don't walk around in a yukata or kimono. I don't call everyone I know "-kun" or "-san" or "senpai," and I never run around spouting nonsensical phrases in Japanese. Yes, Japan has an interesting culture and anime and manga are extremely entertaining. This doesn't mean that I am obsessed with it or that I think that "MY NAME IS SAYAKO MINASE HIME AND JAPAN IS WAY BETTER THAN AMERICA IN EVERY WAY! LOL!!!111 DESU KAWAII!!! b>.<d." Trust me, idolizing Japan is not the way to go. If you like the culture, fine, but don't put it up on some disturbing pedestal.

2.) "Oh yeah, I love Metal Gear Solid. There's nothing better than shooting zombies."
The "hardcore" gamer. You know, the one you go up and talk to because they're wearing that really awesome Zelda shirt that you've always wanted, but when you actually start speaking to them you come to the sudden realization that they've never actually played video games. Now, I understand that some people really want to impress gamers that they think are cool, but from experience, I can freely say that I'd be much more impressed with you if you talked about things that you actually knew something about. Going on about how much you love Resident Evil, and then informing me that the best part of it was when Jester told Barry how much he wanted a Krill grinder, then I might question your integrity as a gamer. Let's get this right: honesty is the best policy. Try to keep to games you know, and if you're not an actual gamer, please don't masquerade as one. It's kind of offensive and incredibly irritating.

3.) "CMV" Creators
A CMV, or a "cosplay music video," is where weeaboos get together and film a music video in which they act out scenes while cosplaying as characters from video games or anime.

...

Really!? Okay, so it isn't enough that you cosplay. It isn't even enough that you go out in public while cosplaying. No, you have to take it to a whole new level of weird. You make a music video while cosplaying. I can't even... There are no words. This is worse than writing fanfiction. This is like writing really bad fanfiction, climbing up onto a building, and screaming your fanfiction to the world through a megaphone. As if that wasn't bad enough, it's a song fic. Really, have you no shame!?

4.) Caramelldansen

Okay, it's cute the first time when there's a big group of people dancing to it in the middle of the con. It's amusing the second time, when you have cosplayers facing off over who can do the dance better. It's pretty awesome when you're finally so high on being at a convention that you actually dance to it for twenty seconds. It is not awesome when someone does it in the middle of a classroom, just to prove how geeky they are...Or when you do it drunkenly in the middle of campus while shouting the lyrics out of tune at the top of your lungs. Just really. Don't.

What do you guys think? Have we missed any? Let us know!