Top 3 Reasons Why Women Shouldn't Play Video Games

Silly girl, games are for boys!

We here at 8-Bit Apples and Tea have come to the realization that there are far better things that we could be doing with our time than play video games. I mean, let's face it, us womenfolk are just plain terrible at operating these strange electronic devices, let alone deriving any sort of entertainment from them! Besides, even if we do get any sort of handle on the basics, men will just outshine any efforts we put forth. They are naturally better at video games, after all, just as nature intended. So, why put ourselves through anymore torture? I, for one, won't argue with science. Before we throw in the towel completely, though, allow us to illuminate a few of the many reasons why we and other members of our sex should stay away from these contraptions.

1.) We're Not Smart Enough
The concepts behind video games are far too advanced for the typical female. Shooting zombies, fighting wars, crafting your own simulation world... How could women ever hope to accomplish these same feats as men? Obviously our minds are better occupied pursuing unicorns and ponies, shopping, and applying make-up. I mean, it's not as thought some of the strongest characters in video games are women. No, you certainly don't see any females combating zombies in the Resident Evil series, nor do you see any women fighting against evil in RPGs, and playing the Sims is far more complicated than playing House. No, we women are much better off in the kitchen making sandwiches as the males take over this complicated task of mashing the X button and moving the analog stick.

2.) We Have No Hand Eye Coordination
Let's be serious. Unless it involves the basic motions of putting lunch meats between two slices of bread or gripping the handles of pots and pans, our hands are pretty much useless. Years of evolution, in which our hands adapted to being constantly encased in oven mitts, have left our delicate digits unfit to handle those high-tech game controllers. Our fingers are far better suited to applying nail polish than pressing those complicated buttons. Plus, controllers are just hard to figure out! I mean, personally, I can't figure out the controls unless I'm staring at them. You expect me to do that and have my eyes on the screen at the same time!? Ha! Yeah, right!

3.) We Can't Handle the Dark Themes of Some Games
All women are obviously shrinking violets waiting for a man to come and save them. I mean, not one of us could possibly stand up for ourselves if we were placed in a dangerous situation, and this concept carries over to video games. I mean, if we were allowed to have a controller in hand, we'd scream every time we were attacked by a Big Daddy in Bioshock, every time a ghost appeared in Fatal Frame, and would cry every time a Creeper came up to us in Minecraft. Obviously our weak sensibilities just aren't cut out for video games. I mean, you don't see men weeping like little girls when they play Fatal Frame, do you?

... APRIL FOOLS!